Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Banyak Bercakap Serlah Kelemahan

Banyak Bercakap Serlah Kelemahan


SESEORANG Muslim mesti memelihara lidahnya daripada menuturkan kata-kata
tidak berfaedah, percakapan kosong, mengumpat keji dan mengadu-domba.

Rasulullah SAW memberi banyak ingatan mengenai perkara itu dan antaranya,
sabda Baginda bermaksud: “Tidaklah dihumbankan muka manusia ke dalam
neraka itu sebagai hasil tuaian (jelek) lidahnya.” (Hadis riwayat
at-Tirmizi)

Rasulullah juga bersabda bermaksud: “Bukanlah dia seorang mukmin (jika)
dia suka menuduh, suka melaknat, bercakap kotor dan keji.” (Hadis riwayat
at-Tirmizi)

Pesan Rasulullah bermaksud: “Sesiapa yang banyak bercakap banyaklah
kesalahannya, sesiapa yang banyak kesalahannya banyaklah dosanya dan siapa
yang banyak dosanya, api nerakalah paling layak untuk dirinya.”
(Diriwayatkan oleh Baihaqi)

Imam Nawawi ketika membicarakan hal yang sama berkata, ketahuilah,
seseorang mukalaf itu sewajarnya menjaga lidahnya daripada sebarang
percakapan kecuali percakapan yang menghasilkan kebaikan.

Apabila bercakap dan berdiam diri adalah sama saja hasilnya, maka mengikut
sunnahnya adalah lebih baik berdiam diri.

Percakapan yang diharuskan mungkin membawa kepada yang haram atau makruh.

Rasulullah bersabda bermaksud: “Sesiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari
kemudian, maka hendaklah dia mengucapkan perkataan yang baik dan kalau
tidak, hendaklah diam.” (Hadis riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim).

Hadis di atas membawa maksud bahawa seseorang yang beriman itu perlu
sentiasa mengawasi lidahnya dan apabila berkata, hanya kepada perkara yang
memberi kebaikan kepada dirinya dan orang lain.

Jika tidak dapat memberi sesuatu yang membawa kebaikan, maka adalah lebih
baik berdiam diri saja.

Rasulullah ditanya mengenai kelakuan yang paling banyak memasukkan
seseorang ke dalam syurga.

Jawab Baginda: “Takwa kepada Allah dan keindahan akhlak.”

Ketika Baginda ditanya apakah yang paling banyak memasukkan orang ke dalam
neraka? Baginda menjawab: “Kejahatan mulut dan kemaluan.”

Sabda Rasulullah SAW lagi bermaksud: “Sesiapa mengawal lidahnya (daripada
memperkatakan kehormatan orang), maka Allah akan menutup kecelaannya (hal
yang memalukan). Sesiapa yang menahan kemarahannya, Allah akan
melindunginya daripada seksa-Nya. Dan sesiapa yang meminta kelonggarannya
kepada Allah, maka Allah akan menerima permintaan kelonggarannya.”
(Hadis riwayat Ibnu Abib-Dunya).

Ibnu Abid-Dunya meriwayatkan, Rasulullah bersabda bermaksud: “Tidak akan
lurus iman seseorang hamba, sehingga lurus pula hatinya, dan tidak akan
lurus hatinya sehingga lurus pula lidahnya. Dan seorang hamba tidak akan
masuk syurga selagi tetangganya belum aman daripada kejahatannya.”

Begitulah pentingnya seseorang itu memelihara lidahnya daripada percakapan
yang buruk, keji dan tidak mendatangkan faedah.

Allah mengurniakan umatnya dengan sebaik-sebaiknya nikmat dan nikmat lidah
yang diberikan, hendaklah digunakan ke jalan yang diredai-Nya.

Monday, March 14, 2011

FAQ ( Soalan Yang Kerap di Tanya )

* Anda berader di stesen bas dan rakan anda ternampak sambil bertanya:
"Tunggu bas ke?"
Anda harus menjawab: "Taklah aku tengah tunggu
helikopter, lambat plak ari nie ye"

* Anda hendak pergi ke bilik mandi untuk mandi dan rakan sebilik anda bertanya:
"Ko nak mandi ke?"
Jawab : "Taklah aku nak pi main lelayang
kejap, ko nak join?"

* Anda sedang menulis surat dan rakan anda menegur:
"Aik? tulis surat nampak?"
Jawab : "Oh ye ke? aku tak prasan ah...tangan
aku bergerak sendiri"

* Anda sedang makan nasik dan orang tegur:
"Makan nasik?"
Jawab : " Mata ko buta ke per? Kan aku
tengah minum teh ais nie?"

* Anda baru pulang dari kerja dan jiran anda bertanyer:
"Baru balik dari keje?"
Jawab : "Taklah, saya dari rumah, nak pi
keje lah nie...opis saya dah pindah kat
rumah..dan rumah saya dah pindah kat opis"

* Anda sedang sibuk buat kerja dan rakan sepejabat menegur:
"Eh kau sibuk ke?"
Jawab : Takyah jawab, peratikan muker dia
pastu kompang siket pipi dia.

*Anda sedang menonton tv ceriter melayu, rakan anda datang lalu bertanyer:
"Eh citer melayu ke?"
Jawab : "Bukanlah, nie kan citer Otromen Taro
menentang Raksaser dari Planet X...ko
tunggu jap nanti otromen kuar".

Answer For A Jerk!!!



"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

He: So what do you do for a living?
She: Female impersonator.

"Is this seat empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

"So, wanna go back to my place?"
"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

"I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
"It's in the phone book."
"But I don't know your name."
"That's in the phone book too."

"What sign were you born under?"
"No Parking."

"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."

"Haven't we met before?"
"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Mental Hospital."

"I want to give myself to you."
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

"I can tell that you want me."
"Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave."

"Hey, baby, What's your sign?"
"Stop."

"Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

"May I see you pretty soon?"
"Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

"Your body is like a temple."
"Sorry, there are no services today."

"I'd go through anything for you."
"Good! Let's start with your bank account."

"I would go to the end of the world for you."
"Yes, but would you stay there?"


"Your place or mine?"
"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

After hearing a pickup line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?"
say "I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken."

He: Would you like to dance?
She: Not with you.
He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did.

He: Do you wanna dance?
She: Yeah but not with you!
He: You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!

Q: Does beauty run in your family?
A: It obviously doesn't in yours!

Q: What's your name sexy?
A: Taken!

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
A: Yeah, but this time don't stop!

Q: I think you're the best looking girl in here.
A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

He: Your legs go clear up to your a**.
She: Most peoples' do!

Q: Can I buy you a drink?
A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

"You look like a dream."
Response: "Go back to sleep."

He: What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
She: What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

"I can see forever in your eyes."
Response: "But all I can see is never in yours."

"I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included."
Response: "Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk."


Upgrade boyfriend 5.0 to husband 1.0 - pentium8 version

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the
overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and ESPN 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?


Signed,
Desperate

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.


Good Luck,
IT Support